


a hasty word you can't recall

by thismagichour



Series: Bad Things Happen, but It'll Turn Out Okay [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, don't let them see you cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 12:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16576169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thismagichour/pseuds/thismagichour
Summary: Scanlan Shorthalt is Fine, and Totally Coping with the loss of Vax post-Vecna arc. Because Scanlan's always fine. And for being such a good liar, he's terrible at lying to himself.





	a hasty word you can't recall

After Vecna, after Vax, it’s…bad for a while. Vox Machina retires, and the group splits, and there’s Kaylie to worry about, and he doesn’t really know what to do with himself. And then there’s Pike, who doesn’t even look back at him when she says _are you coming, Scanlan?_ Gods, he would follow that woman anywhere. 

It’s still bad. He misses Vax like he misses an arm, but no, that’s not even right. An arm he could live without. He misses Vax like he would miss his dick, which is something he does _not_ say out loud, but he’s sure Vax would appreciate the significance of, anyway. He goes through the motions, sure. He sends Kaylie to school, he gets a little house close to Grog and Pike’s place, he settles down. And he smiles and he jokes and he sings, because that’s what he does. Most of all, he can’t stop thinking about the year he was gone, that year that he could have been with them all. With Vax. He could have had more time. He could have done more.

_You did everything._

It’s bad for a while. Not everything is bad - Pike asks him out on a date, _The_ Pike Trickfoot asks _him_ out on a date, and he says yes. And then he asks her out on another and she says yes. Grog is very enthusiastic about it but pretending that he isn’t, in the way that Grog does. Scanlan talks to Wilhand a lot. Wilhand likes him immediately, but most people do. And Kaylie is doing really well in school, despite all her promises that she was going to be an asshole. And he’s rich, and famous, and everyone thinks he’s a hero, and they’re all clamoring for the latest song from Scanlan Shorthalt, and he can do whatever he wishes, for the rest of his life.

_You were saving a Wish for me?_

He’s fine. Scanlan Shorthalt is Fine, that should be the name of his autobiography, just because of how goddamn fine he is. He’s totally fine. He’s gotten everything he always wanted, including Pike fucking Trickfoot, because he’s already bought a ring and she’s going to say yes, probably (Pike beats him to the punch, because of course she does). So now he’s engaged to the literal love of his life, and he’s moving in with her and his best friend in the whole world. Everything is great, and it is most certainly fine.

_You are lying to yourself._

“Scanlan?” Pike says, from the door, and Scanlan scrabbles to get himself together. It’s stupid, falling apart because Grog said two words, it’s not like Vax is the first or the last person to ever say the phrase _pity party_ to him, but he’s there, suddenly, that day that he left them all, and Vax is there too, and Vax is crying, he’s trying to convince Scanlan to stay but he can’t, Scanlan can’t stay, he has to be anywhere but here, honestly, and god, he had been so fucking cruel -

“Scanlan.” Pike says, entering the bedroom now, putting her hands around him from behind, pulling him into a hug, and he’s shaking, but he definitely isn’t crying because he’s fine, he’s always fine.

“I’ll just go on, then?” Grog says, from the hall. 

“I think you should, Grog, we’ll catch up,” Pike says, her voice muffled into Scanlan’s back. Scanlan hears the door slam, because Grog has never gotten a handle on closing things softly. There’s a silence that follows, like he’s taken all the air out of the house after him.

“Scanlan?” Pike says again, very softly this time.

“I’m fine, Pike,” Scanlan says, and he’s proud of how normal his voice sounds, but then, he’s always been a good liar.

“You don’t have to be,” Pike says, and Scanlan chokes on a sob. Pike clutches him tighter, as if she could hold him together while he feels like he’s shaking apart.

“I miss him,” Scanlan manages. 

“I do too,” Pike says, and her voice is wet.

“I don’t know what to do,” Scanlan says.

“What he wanted you to do,” Pike says, “be happy.”

“Of course he would say that, the hypocrite,” Scanlan says, and Pike giggles.

“We just have to keep going, and know that’s what he would want,” Pike says, and Scanlan can feel her smiling against his neck. He turns when she nudges him, and he knows she can see how red rimmed his eyes are, but it’s alright, because hers are too, and Pike is the strongest person he knows.

“He’s probably laughing at me about this right now anyway, that asshole,” Scanlan says, wiping his nose. Pike smiles at him, still watery, more beautiful than any song he’s ever written. She holds out her hands, and he takes them, lets himself be pulled along in her wake, like he will keep doing for the rest of his life.

_I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I love you._

It’s bad for a while, and then it’s better. He marries the love of his life, and he spends the rest of his time with a wife, and his daughter, and then another daughter, and Grog too. He writes what he wants, and he composes so many long songs about Vax, some funny, some less so, and he writes a sexy book starring Vax and Gilmore, just because he knows Vax would think it was fucking hilarious (he doesn’t tell Gilmore, figures that Gilmore can discover it on his own, and he also remembers that GIlmore turned a dude inside out one time, and Scanlan likes himself right side out). He keeps in touch with all of Vox Machina, and he checks on Keyleth the most, because she doesn’t have anyone like he had Pike. He knows that someday, Vax will be waiting for him and Pike both, and everyone will be together, the greatest heroes and the best of friends. And things do actually turn out fine in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I made MYSELF cry writing this, because I couldn't just be like "Scanlan's sad about something" I had to be like "Scanlan's sad about THE SADDEST THING." Anyway, I played myself. This is the third piece in Bad Things Happen Bingo, and I'm going for blackout. Find me @calebwidogasts if you want to prompt me ANY SHIP/CHARACTER from either campaign, or if you just want to see me have a meltdown about CR 7 days a week.


End file.
